I don't understand ?

Mom caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day.

She told him - "Johnny dearest, good boys save it till they're 18."

Johnny did. And by 18, he had 11 jars full!

You sure that's not a Network Logic job application??? I gonna look in Brandon's file to see if I can find his old application

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "MAN, That is the ugliest baby I've EVER seen!"

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Hey! He's a public servant and he shouldn't say things to insult the passengers."
"You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey!"

Out on the town one night, a young lad successfully chats up an attractive female, and they go back to her place. "You can't make any noise," she warns him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us!"

Things start getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol gets the better of the man's bladder. "I have to go," he says.

"Well you can't go upstairs, it's right next to my parents' bedroom," she replies. "Use the kitchen sink".
So he dutifully retires to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, he pops his head round the door and asks...
"Do you have any toilet paper?"

Two friends in a Bar:

JACK: Joe, at what moment does your wife shout loudest during sex?

JOE: Er..., when I clean myself off with the curtains.

There was this guy who was sick so he went to the doctors. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered.

"I'm going to have to run a few more tests", the doctor said "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample".

After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"

"Oh the doctor is going to need a pair of your underwear".

Q: Why do farts smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them too