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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:36 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
Q: What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?

A: The taste!

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Spring, Texas


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:36 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
Two condoms were walking past a Gay bar.
One looks at the other and says...
"You wanna go in and get shit faced?"

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Spring, Texas


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:37 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
How do you get four gay guys to sit at one stool?

Turn it upside down!

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Spring, Texas


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:38 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
Why did the carload of lesbians get to San Francisco faster than the carload of gays?

The lesbians got there lickety-split, while the gays where still packing there shit.

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Ethan Dunlap
Spring, Texas


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:41 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
A new list of the "World's Shortest Books":

STAYING HAPPILY MARRIED
-by Elizabeth Taylor

BEAUTY SECRETS
-by Janet Reno

HOME BUILT AIRPLANES
-by John Denver

DOWN HILL SKIING
-by Sonny Bono

HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL
-by Dan Marino

FLYING AT NIGHT
-by JFK, Jr.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
-by Hillary Clinton

MY LIFE'S MEMORIES
-by Ronald Reagan

THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD-
by Bill Gates

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
-by O. J. Simpson

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
-by Dennis Rodman

THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH
-by the Ramseys

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
HELLEN KELLER'S BIRDWATCHING GUIDE

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Ethan Dunlap
Spring, Texas


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:44 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were approaching their high school graduation. It was getting near prom night and neither of them had a date for it. So one day, the girl approaches her brother and says "Hey, you got a date for the prom yet?"

He says "No, why? You got someone lined up for me?"
"You might say that. Why don't you take me to the prom?"

"Take you? You kidding? You're my sister!"
"Well, are you taking somebody else out?"

"You know I don't have a date, Sis. "
"And neither do I. But we both want to go to the prom, don't we?" Her brother nods. She continues, "So we should go with each other."

The brother can't see anything wrong with her reasoning, so he tells his sister that if neither of them has a date by Wednesday evening he will take her to the prom. Wednesday evening rolls around. Neither of the siblings has a date, so the brother tells his sister that he'll take her to the prom on Friday.

At the prom, both of them have a good time. The brother is glad that his sister talked him into taking her. Then, while he's standing at the punch bowl, his sister comes up to him again.

"Hey, brother, let's dance. "

He looks around to make sure that nobody heard her. "Look, Sis, this is the Senior Prom, okay? I'm not going to dance with my own sister at the prom, okay?"

"Don't be so shy. Look, Jimmy Elder is dancing with his cousin. So why can't you dance with your sister?"

"Oh . . . all right. "

So they dance, a slow number. The rest of the prom passes by and after a while it's over and time to go. Both of them have had a good time.

In the car, with the brother at the wheel, the sister looks over at him and says, "Let's not go straight home."

He gives her a curious look and says, "What are we going to do instead?"

"Oh, I don't know. Just drive around."

He agrees, and after they have driven around a while, out in the country, she looks over at him again and says "Want to find some place to park?"

"Hell," he says, "are you crazy? You're my sister, I'm not going parking with you!"

"Who said anything about 'going parking'? Let's just pull over somewhere and talk for a while, okay? It's been a busy year for both of us-- how long has it been since we've had a chance to talk to each other?"

So she finally talks her brother into pulling the car over on a secluded back road, and after a few minutes of idle talk, she looks over at him again.

"Hey . . . " she says.

"What?"

"Why don't you kiss me?"

"You've been suggesting a lot of weird things lately, you know that? I'm not going to kiss you, you're my sister! "And he reached for the ignition switch to start the car.

She reached out and took his hand. "I know I'm your sister. You've mentioned that a lot lately. And you're my brother. And don't we love each other? Why shouldn't we kiss if we feel like it?" She kissed him on the cheek and he kissed her back. After a few minutes of kissing, she whispered in his ear, "Come on. Let's do it."

"Do what," said her brother, but he had a good idea of what his sister had in mind.

"You know what," his sister replied.

"I can't do that with you, you're my. . . " His voice trailed off.

While he was on top of her, his sister murmured, "You know, you're a lot lighter than Dad."

"I know," said her brother. "Mom told me."

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 9:23 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 12, 2008 10:07 pm
Posts: 433
Not really jokes but funny if you've ever sat through a corporate presentation...

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Why blind dates fail:
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Pie Chart (literally)
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Demetri Martin's
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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:01 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:39 pm
Posts: 6508
Location: Somewhere Not Paying Attention
Q. Why is Obama like an old bra ?
A. Because of lost support, every day.
.
Q: What is the best thing about cash for clunkers?
A: It took most of the Obama stickers off the road.
.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.
.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road?
A: Vultures will eat the skunk.
.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?
A: Chelsea.
.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
.
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people
.
Q: Why is Michelle Obama not allowed to swim in the ocean at Martha’s Vineyard?
A: They can’t get the smell off the fish

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think
25 to life would be appropriate.
-----Jay Leno
.
America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
-----Jay Leno
.
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
-----Conan O'Brien
.
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
-----Jay Leno
.
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to
society. The other is for housing prisoners.
-----David Letterman
.
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean
and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!
-----Jimmy Fallon
.
Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
-----Jimmy Kimmel
.
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
-----David Letterman

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:32 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 15, 2009 7:34 pm
Posts: 5465
Location: Dallas, TX
:lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 9:00 am 
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Der Luft Doktor
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:31 pm
Posts: 7220
Location: OC CA
lol :mrgreen:

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