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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2011 3:35 pm 
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Location: Spring Texas
Six Truths in Life
1 . You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility due to the tendons within your neck .
2 . All idiots, after reading #1 will try it .
3 . And discover #1 is a lie .
4 . You are smiling now because you are an idiot .
5 . You soon will Share this with another idiot .
6 . There is still a stupid smile on your face . I sincerely apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company

w:pw

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Wayne aka FOG

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 6:15 pm 
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Posts: 814
Location: Woodlands don't drive to Conroe Boom
The Texas Department of Safety Officer pulled over Texas SUV owner Mike
for a weapons check because of an NRA bumper sticker on the back.

When the officer approached the vehicle, the man behind the wheel handed
the officer his driver's license, insurance card and concealed carry
permit.

The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr.
Murray, I see you have a CCW. Do you have any weapons with you?"

The driver replied, " Yes I do. I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a
45 in the glove box and a 22 derringer in my boot."

The officer looked at Mike and asked, "Anything else?"

"Yes. I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 in the back."

The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range and
the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the
driver's face and said "Mr. Murray, you're are carrying quite a few guns.
May I ask what you are afraid of?


Mike locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,

"Absolutely Nothing."

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A Founding Member of the Not A Volkswagen Truck Club.


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:10 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 15, 2009 7:34 pm
Posts: 5465
Location: Dallas, TX
Haha, I like that :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:48 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
oval1 wrote:
Haha, I like that :lol:


X2

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Spring, Texas


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 8:13 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:21 pm
Posts: 177
Location: Kingwood, TX
69vduber wrote:
Six Truths in Life
1 . You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility due to the tendons within your neck .
2 . All idiots, after reading #1 will try it .
3 . And discover #1 is a lie .
4 . You are smiling now because you are an idiot .
5 . You soon will Share this with another idiot .
6 . There is still a stupid smile on your face . I sincerely apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company

w:pw



Wayne,
Dang it! I am an idiot... But so is my wife and my daughter. :dance:

My 15 year old son says he did not fall for it... there is hope for us yet!

Too funny!

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-Ron
1966 VW Bug

-------------------------------


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 4:00 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:21 pm
Posts: 177
Location: Kingwood, TX
These first two are wayyy tacky, but I laughed...

Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue. Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.

In other news........ we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit.

and even some of the Brits get it:
http://youtu.be/oYQQzFY7CqQ
(Sorry, I could not embed it correctly.)

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-Ron
1966 VW Bug

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2012 12:21 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2010 9:45 pm
Posts: 135
Please read with your worst irish accent.



mrs mcgovern is walking down the street in dublin ireland
father o'connell is walking on the same street
they meet midway and mrs mcgovern looks at father o'connell
mrs mcgovern how are you?
I am fine father.
I havent seen you since I married you and the mister.
yes father.
so tell me you have any wee ones yet?
no father but we are trying.
I tell you what my dear, I am going to rome, and will light you a candle.
oh bless you father.

some years go bye

mrs mcgovern and father o'connell meet out again
mrs mcgovern how are you my dear?
fine just busy.
so tell me any wee ones yet?
oh yes we have three and one on the way.
oh thats wonderful my dear.
so tell me wheres the mister?
he went on holiday to rome.
whats he doin in rome?
he went to blow out your fookin candle!!!!!


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 Post subject: Obama CUR
PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:37 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:58 pm
Posts: 223
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A big dog left a shrine to "Buttock Hussein Osama" in my yard last week...

I accidentally stepped in it in the dark and had to scrape it off of my shoe. :furious:

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-



Mike


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 5:55 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:58 pm
Posts: 223
Got a laugh out of this today... It's an old joke and unfortunately very sad but true,
but I don't recall hearing it before.
There was a pic in the original email that did not make it through into my email....


========================================================



While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand
was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck
up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president.

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle''.

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post
turtle' was.

The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you
come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post
turtle.'

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he
continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he
doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up
there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just
Wonder what kind of Fools put him up there to begin with."

Best explanation I've heard yet.

=====================================


Post turtle - Osama


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:55 am 
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dLk Redneck
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
That's a good one mike

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Ethan Dunlap
Spring, Texas


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