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 Post subject: Joke Thread NSFW
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:46 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring
evening, When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down
beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in
years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him
"Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the
little b*st*rd!!

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Ethan Dunlap
Spring, Texas


Last edited by ConcreteAce on Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:58 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 12:24 pm
Posts: 814
Location: Woodlands don't drive to Conroe Boom
I REAR-ENDED A CAR THIS MORNING…SO THERE WE ARE ALONG SIDE THE ROAD AND SLOWLY THE DRIVER GETS OUT OF THE CAR. . . . AND YOU KNOW SOMETIMES HOW YOU JUST-GET-SOOOO-STRESSED AND LIFE-STUFF SEEMS TO GET FUNNY? YEAH, WELL, I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT . . . HE WAS A DWARF! HE STORMS OVER TO MY CAR,… LOOKS UP AT ME… AND ANGRILY SAYS,… "I'M NOT HAPPY!!!" SO,… I LOOK DOWN AT HIM AND SAY, …"WELL, THEN WHICH ONE ARE YOU?"
AND, THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED!!!!!!!!!

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"It's not complicated, but it is going to be expensive!"


A Founding Member of the Not A Volkswagen Truck Club.


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:59 pm 
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dLk Redneck
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Posts: 10199
Location: Spring
maybe he is grumpy :mrgreen:

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Ethan Dunlap
Spring, Texas


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:27 pm 
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dLk Iron Chef
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Joined: Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:18 pm
Posts: 3688
Location: Sprang, TX
Thats horrible James! Snow White once dreamed of getting 7", but not an inch at a time!

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 1:28 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:15 am
Posts: 346
Location: La Porte, TX.
These two gay guys walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, "Mind if I push your stool in?"... :lol:

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C'mon, I dare ya...
www.bayareavwclub.com


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:35 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:37 am
Posts: 3316
Location: Friendswood / Pearland Tx
Here's one.....

Paint and body guy gets of work today before 6:30 :dance: Only to figure out somehow he locked his keys in his truck when putting some things in the passenger side seat. Had to shamefully tell his wife so she can bring me......oh him his spare keys!!!!!! :oops:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2008 11:41 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 6:24 am
Posts: 360
Location: Katy, Texas
Subject: Old man, new Corvette convertible

A Wisconsin senior citizen drove his brand new
Corvette convertible out of a Milwaukee dealership.

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had
left.

'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-94 towards
Madison, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view
mirror, he saw a State
Patrol car behind him, blue and red lights flashing.He
floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.

Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old
for this,' and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to
the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is
Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've
never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago,
my wife ran off with a Wisconsin State Trooper.
I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, Sir,' replied the Trooper.

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Clay
1969 Beetle


In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility -- I welcome it.

John F. Kennedy


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2008 2:21 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:11 pm
Posts: 225
^^ thats some funny shit right there ^^

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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 05, 2008 5:51 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 14, 2008 10:52 pm
Posts: 429
Not really a joke, but a jigsaw puzzle to do online of Herbie.

http://www.jigzone.com/puzzles/FA055D51C50F?z=25


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 Post subject: Re: Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2008 6:37 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 6:24 am
Posts: 360
Location: Katy, Texas
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.



"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.



"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."



The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"



The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week."



The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"



"He is a veterinarian," she answered.



"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"



The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."

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Clay
1969 Beetle


In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility -- I welcome it.

John F. Kennedy


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