are we talking about the black kid peering around the corner?

The husband leans over and asks his wife, Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.

Yes, she says, I remember it well.

OK, he says,How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally,they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground..

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to
ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly."

My wife lost her credit card a few weeks ago. My buddy asked me if I'd reported it yet?? I explained that I have not and I don't plan too... Whoever has it now is spending far less than she ever did

thats insane

Parking ticket




The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went into the local
coffee shop for a snack.

I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was this
cop writing out a parking ticket.

I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. His insensitivity annoye d
me, so I called him a 'Nazi.'

He glared at me and then wrote out another ticket for having worn tires.

So I proceeded to call him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the
second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him a moron in blue.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I talked back to him the more
tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car
that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper stickers that
said, ' Obama '08.'

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.

The doctor tells me that it's important for my health.

Quickie in the Bushes.

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude
woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred
years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single
gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life
for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
shrubbery.


The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.


The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you
care to do it again?'


He asks her 'Shall we?'



She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.





This time, I 'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'