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| Joke Thread NSFW http://www.dlkweb.org/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=385 |
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| Author: | 69vduber [ Wed Feb 23, 2011 6:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread NSFW |
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| Author: | PawpawsBug [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 4:18 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread NSFW |
kids now a days......talk about cornering the market. 16 yrs old came up to his parents and said i figured out what i want to major AND minor in during college.....the parents , with a pleased look on their faces said ,do tell, the kid said "i want to major in becoming a Veterinarian , and minor in Taxidermy, that way i can say to my custmoers, "Dont worry,Either way you will be getting your pet back"......... |
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| Author: | oval1 [ Sat May 21, 2011 7:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread NSFW |
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. |
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| Author: | monkey paw [ Sat May 21, 2011 9:52 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread NSFW |
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| Author: | mk-Zero [ Sat May 21, 2011 10:24 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread NSFW |
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| Author: | freebird [ Sun May 22, 2011 5:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread NSFW |
That's funny! However, when I was 16 I was at this girls house in the middle of the night, messin' around. Her dad heard some commotion coming from her room. He went and looked outside and saw my truck parked at the neighbor's house. The lived in a cul-de-sac, so it didn't take much for him to deduce that the truck didn't belong on that street. Well, as luck would have it, some of my buddies were out driving around and thought it would be funny to throw a shit ton of condoms into my truck for me to find when I came out. Well, when her dad came barging into the room SCREAMING, he's holding a bunch of condoms and my Car and Driver magazines that has my name and address on it. Needless to say I thought I was getting my ass beat for sure that night! The only thing that probably saved me was the fact that I was a minor and he didn't want to go to jail!  ....oh what a night... To show you the power that p*ssy has over teenage boys, you think that stopped me from going back in the future?? Hell to-the-no it didn't! My dumbazz still went back for "late night visits". Throughout that summer. How does it go?? Young, dumb, and full of .....
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| Author: | beetleluvr [ Mon May 23, 2011 12:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | OLD GUYS RULE |
SMART ASS: Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left." Seniors -- don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid! |
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| Author: | 69vduber [ Mon May 23, 2011 12:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: OLD GUYS RULE |
beetleluvr wrote: SMART ASS: Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left." Seniors -- don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid! We need a LIKE button 
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| Author: | oval1 [ Mon May 23, 2011 7:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread NSFW |
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| Author: | 60Mike [ Thu May 26, 2011 10:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread NSFW |
Harlequin Romance Novel, Version 2011 He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax." Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my Shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties. Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he Wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . . . "Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now." |
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